First published in July 2010 in Notes from the Cab. bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
There is a good deal of controversy on which of the modern era film vampires are the best, or the most cool as it were. Let us discuss this and attempt to lay this issue to rest once and for all.
I truly doubt that we will come to any agreeable conclusion however. I am sure there will be no consensus. but we must try.
The "Twilight" series of movies are pretty good with beautiful scenery, cinematography, and soundtrack. The story lines are fairly compelling and they are just plain good movies. The Cullen family of vampires are good looking, intelligent and dangerous - as vampires must be, but there is an issue that may keep them from earning the title of best film vampires. The are just not evil. In addition to the above characteristics a vampire must above all be vicious and evil. The Cullen's do not fit the bill unfortunately. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), the male lead, is just not evil and in fact seems to have a problem with the creature that he is. There is self loathing and a disturbing "human conscience" apparent that detracts somewhat from the film. One exception is the "hunter" James, played to perfection by the young actor Cam Gigandet. His character is evil, vicious and frighteningly malicious. The way a vampire should be. These vampires score high on looks and intelligence but low on the fear factor. One good thing about these movies though is that there are werewolves running about which brings up a very important question. Would you rather be a werewolf or a vampire? A question to explore another time perhaps.
The HBO series "True Blood" is also a very good set of films. Most of the vampires are as vicious and evil as they should be. Perhaps the best the best may be the vampire Eric played to perfection by Alexander Skarsgard. He is good looking, although he looked better with long hair, vicious, utterly without conscience, and exceptionally intelligent. Kristin Bauer does an excellent job with her character, the vampire Pam. A bit player Zeljko Ivanek, plays "The Magister," a vampire that is truly frightening. These characters are so compellingly evil that one gets the feeling that if they were real creatures, they would need to be exterminated with extreme prejudice. Now with that being said, there is a flaw. The Vampire Bill in the series has the same type of self loathing that is noticed in the Edward Cullen character in "Twilight." Now Bill, in an earlier incarnation, was as vicious and evil as they come. We are treated to this in some of his memories that are vicious to the extreme. His current lack of sociopathology however is unbecoming a vampire. The vampires in this series score extremely high on looks, intelligence and viciousness but Vampire Bill's soft side does bring them down somewhat. One thing that is interesting in these films is that the people of northern Louisiana and southern Arkansas tend to call them "vampurs." I like that. Are these the best screen vampires? A case can certainly be made.
The film "An Interview with the Vampire," based on the Anne Rice novel by the same name is an excellent movie. It has an all star cast including Tom Cruise (Lestat) Brad Pitt (Louis), Kirsten Dunst (Claudia), and Antonio Banderas (Armand). These vampires are intelligent to the point of being intellectual (with the exception of Lestat), beautiful, and vicious in the cases of Lestat and the Machiavellian Claudia. Louis, however is lacking the evil gene apparently. There is something missing there that works in the film, but is disturbing none the less. It is hard to pinpoint Armand. Is he hiding his vicious nature in order to win the affection of Louis (that is what it is, let us be honest)? One gets the impression that he is indeed holding back. A clue to his evil nature is in the fact that he allowed the "background" vampires to kill Claudia and her new immortal "mother." (The "mother" was made by Louis much to his agony. Pathetic attitude for a perfect predator don't you think?) Another clue to Armand's true nature is that he let Louis burn the other vampires "alive" without warning them. Intuitive Louis knows this and leaves Armand, at the alter if you will. This film could not have been more gay, but that beside the point. The question is are these vampires the best in the modern film era? A case can be made for this, but also a case can certainly be made to the contrary. These vampires score medium to high on intelligence, high on good looks and the fear factor is moderate to high.
"Dracula (1992) is another vampire story with an all star cast. The extremely talented and also highly under rated Gary Oldman plays the role of Dracula. Anthony Hopkins, Keanu Reeves, Carey Elwes, and Winona Ryder round out the best known players. The only vampire in the film is of course Oldman (Dracula) and he is an extremely talented actor. (One of his best films was "State of Grace" with Sean Penn, Ed Harris and a then up and coming John C Reilly). Of course Anthony Hopkins is a preeminent actor and Winona Ryder and Carey Elwes can hold there own. Now Keanu Reeves does a commendable job with his part as it is mostly done in a monotone. Any part with more emotion or realism than that certainly stretches Reeves' ability. He near ruined the otherwise exceptional "Devil's Advocate." Be that as it may, the film is quite good and well worth watching. But that is not the question is it? The answer to the real question is hard to gauge. Oldman does a wonderful job with his part, but his character has some human emotion that of course works in the movie, but is still unbecoming a vampire. There is no doubt that he is vicious and evil but his infatuation with Winona Ryder is somehow "unvampirelike." This vampire scores high on the looks (at least in the young Dracula incarnation), and intelligence but falls off somewhat on the vicious scale. However a case can still be made for Dracula being the best film vampire.
A while back there was a Will Smith film called "I Am Legend" This was a very good movie and "vampires" were in abundance. Now the problem is that these are not classic vampires. In the Anne Rice novel "An Interview with the Vampire" there were some vampire like creatures that Louis and Claudia encountered in eastern Europe in their quest to find "others of their kind." This was not part of the movie but in Rice's novel only. These were not true vampires but something related that were more akin to zombie's. Sort of a vampire/zombie combination if you will. The vampires in the Will Smith film were of this type it seems. Funny thing about this though, some of these vampire/zombie creatures have a distinct likeness to Handsome Henry Waxman(D-CA.). Now that is indeed disturbing.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Oh Vey Circumcision to be Outlawed
Posted in Notes from the Cab in Dec 2010. bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
Well I had to go into Houston after work this afternoon to tend to a bit of business and came upon an interesting billboard. Now I did not have time to sit and look at the entire message as I was in brutal traffic moving at a quick pace, but the gist seems to be that circumcision hurts and is cruel. This may be true but I don't remember it. Do you? You see I am sure this is some advertisement from a group of "do gooders" that would love nothing more than to mandate that all males be anteaters instead of helmets. I have spoken of the problems that "do gooders" can (and have) caused society in the past. Nothing and I mean nothing can convince a "do gooder" to leave things well enough alone. They are on a mission. They are convinced of their righteousness, and of course, most are stark raving mad. I think the whole circumcision thing should be left to up to the family of the child. The whole thing reminds of something funny. Quite a few years back, while serving in the USCG, I knew of a guy who apparently kept having some kind of wing wong problem. He was not circumcised and apparently the Naval medical staff decided that a circumcision was in order. Well the procedure was performed and when he got back to the ship he swore up and down that part of his dong had been amputated. True story. Scouts honor. I don't know for sure if he was playing it up or really and truly believed such, but the long and short of the matter is that he had to be discharged from service. Probably he was running a scam but perhaps, just perhaps, they did lop off a bit of his wang. It was the early 80's after all and we are talking about military medicine.....
Well I had to go into Houston after work this afternoon to tend to a bit of business and came upon an interesting billboard. Now I did not have time to sit and look at the entire message as I was in brutal traffic moving at a quick pace, but the gist seems to be that circumcision hurts and is cruel. This may be true but I don't remember it. Do you? You see I am sure this is some advertisement from a group of "do gooders" that would love nothing more than to mandate that all males be anteaters instead of helmets. I have spoken of the problems that "do gooders" can (and have) caused society in the past. Nothing and I mean nothing can convince a "do gooder" to leave things well enough alone. They are on a mission. They are convinced of their righteousness, and of course, most are stark raving mad. I think the whole circumcision thing should be left to up to the family of the child. The whole thing reminds of something funny. Quite a few years back, while serving in the USCG, I knew of a guy who apparently kept having some kind of wing wong problem. He was not circumcised and apparently the Naval medical staff decided that a circumcision was in order. Well the procedure was performed and when he got back to the ship he swore up and down that part of his dong had been amputated. True story. Scouts honor. I don't know for sure if he was playing it up or really and truly believed such, but the long and short of the matter is that he had to be discharged from service. Probably he was running a scam but perhaps, just perhaps, they did lop off a bit of his wang. It was the early 80's after all and we are talking about military medicine.....
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Live Blogging From the Location of the Real Weather Story
This was published in Notes From The Cab in August 2011. It was so hot it was almost unbelievable.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
Let me preface this little rant by saying that they dodged a bullet up there in the NE. Very lucky indeed they are. There is some damage and unfortunately a few people lost their lives and this is indeed a tragedy. It could have been a heck of a lot worse. Can you imagine a Cat 3 or 4 running through the region? That would have been devastating. Thankfully the "scientists" were wrong again and this will not turn out to be the "storm of the century." At least they got the track right. This usually does not happen. It was also well that the political leadership in the region advised people to leave the immediate impact areas. One of these storms can go from a minor tropical event to a major storm in a relatively short time period and vice versa. Thankfully the "vice versa" was the order of the day here.
Yesterday I was at a grocery store and came back to a temp reading on the car thermometer of 116 degrees. Have not seen that one before. Of course the temp dropped as I left the lot and got on the road to a very comfortable 105. It is hot here in the Republic and that is the real story. Just the loss of agricultural products alone is a huge cost. It would be nice if Irene had come ashore along the Texas shore somewhere. We could use the rain while the NE is over saturated.
You know, come to think of it, that Dumbass Sheila Jackson Lee said we need to name some storms that sound a bit more ethnic. I have always thought that Aquanetta has a nice ring to it.
Yep it is hot here. Hot as a bastard as they say. I have often wondered just who this bastard is. Do I want to meet him or not? It seems he is always hot or cold and always seems to be in some sort of pain. The other day I dropped a snare drum on my foot and it sure hurt like a bastard I can tell you. One thing this bastard is not though is fine. I have never heard someone say "she is fine as a bastard." Usually they refer to the mofo when discussing this type thing. Apparently this mofo is also in pain quite often though. I guess I am not sure really if the pain in my foot hurt more like a mofo or a bastard. Just can't say for certain. I can also remember being drunk as a mofo a number of times. Apparently a mofo likes to tie one on. Here and there as the case may be.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
Let me preface this little rant by saying that they dodged a bullet up there in the NE. Very lucky indeed they are. There is some damage and unfortunately a few people lost their lives and this is indeed a tragedy. It could have been a heck of a lot worse. Can you imagine a Cat 3 or 4 running through the region? That would have been devastating. Thankfully the "scientists" were wrong again and this will not turn out to be the "storm of the century." At least they got the track right. This usually does not happen. It was also well that the political leadership in the region advised people to leave the immediate impact areas. One of these storms can go from a minor tropical event to a major storm in a relatively short time period and vice versa. Thankfully the "vice versa" was the order of the day here.
Yesterday I was at a grocery store and came back to a temp reading on the car thermometer of 116 degrees. Have not seen that one before. Of course the temp dropped as I left the lot and got on the road to a very comfortable 105. It is hot here in the Republic and that is the real story. Just the loss of agricultural products alone is a huge cost. It would be nice if Irene had come ashore along the Texas shore somewhere. We could use the rain while the NE is over saturated.
You know, come to think of it, that Dumbass Sheila Jackson Lee said we need to name some storms that sound a bit more ethnic. I have always thought that Aquanetta has a nice ring to it.
Yep it is hot here. Hot as a bastard as they say. I have often wondered just who this bastard is. Do I want to meet him or not? It seems he is always hot or cold and always seems to be in some sort of pain. The other day I dropped a snare drum on my foot and it sure hurt like a bastard I can tell you. One thing this bastard is not though is fine. I have never heard someone say "she is fine as a bastard." Usually they refer to the mofo when discussing this type thing. Apparently this mofo is also in pain quite often though. I guess I am not sure really if the pain in my foot hurt more like a mofo or a bastard. Just can't say for certain. I can also remember being drunk as a mofo a number of times. Apparently a mofo likes to tie one on. Here and there as the case may be.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Celebrity Does Not Make One Special
This was written in Notes From the Cab in 12/2009. bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
I do a little bartending (and cab driving) in the Houston area and it being the large city that it is and I, being damn good at my job (Toot!, Toot!), have worked my fair share of events that cater to the celebrity crowd. I have had some good experiences and bad. Just because one finds themselves in the public eye, does not mean that they are any better (and often worse)than anyone else. I will name names here so read on brother.
A few years ago the NBA All Star game came to town along with all of the broohaha associated with it. I worked a number of the events including the rookie game, a private party or two and the gigantic NBA after party. I actually did not work the All Star Game as I was assigned to the party afterward. Here are some recollections of the event.
The after party was extremely busy with literally thousands of people at the event and everyone doing there level best to get drunk as hell. This truly reminded me of the Tom Cruise movie "Cocktail." It was that insane. At one point some guy broke in front of other people in line and informed my that "Steve Francis and his crew wanted a bottle of Cristal. His "crew?" I was not aware that Steve Francis was a river boat captain. To be honest, this occurred a few years ago and the guy might have used the term "posse." If so I would imagine that the only posse this thug belonged to was not going to mount up and chase bad guys anytime soon. Perhaps his posse was more adept at hunting bimbos in the club (with a bottle full of bub, look mami I got the X if you into takin drugs). You get the picture? Another thing I remember is the MC kept hollering "Jamie Fox is in the house" over and over. It was earsplitting. One thing I did notice was Magic Johnson standing in line in my partners station just like everyone else. An NBA Hall of Fame player who had the class and decency to wait his turn just like regular folk. He is from the old school no doubt. Contrast that with Steve Francis' representative demanding Cristal. Anyway it was my distinct pleasure to tell him that the Cristal was sold only at a booth completely across the venue.
At another NBA game I was assigned to the suite that Yao Ming's parents had for the night. They seemed like very reserved and nice people. But there were some things going on there that I found really disturbing. Now there was nobody being rude or demanding, quite the contrary, everyone was exceedingly polite. Here is where it begins to get a bit disturbing. There were some businessmen and hangers on obviously from Red China along with some oily, perpetually smiling, little guys who were obviously agents of the government (PRC). There is after all a Red Chinese consulate on Montrose Street in Houston. Here is where it gets really problematic (for me as an American) - There were quite a few other Americans (obviously business types looking to score something or other) who were scraping and bowing to our guests from the Peoples Republic. There was one guy who apparently had some kind of basketball shoe to sell and was lobbying to have them made in China. He was bowing to these government types so low that I was afraid he would end up with one's joint in his mouth. I doubt that would have bothered him much come to think of it. Well I did my job professionally, politely and competently but I did not bow to anyone. As an American I will bow to no man. Especially not in my own country. I am really very surprised that I was not given some kind of heads up from Toyota Center management that I was supposed to bow or something. I would have refused the job and gone home. Hmmmm. Why does our President find the need to kowtow and bow to Mohammedans and others when he is overseas? We don't bowto anyone! Period! It is our culture.
Well there is a sports writer here in Houston named John Mclain and though he really does not classify as a celebrity (I guess) he thinks himself one I am sure. In 2003 I believe it was, Houston hosted the Super Bowl now more remembered for the famous "wardrobe malfunction" than the actual game (Carolina vs New England). At any rate I bartended at a few of those parties and it was "Cocktail" all over again. The last Super Bowl event was the "after party" that catered mostly to journalists and their ilk. It was pretty damn busy but kind of lame none the less. I met a real cool guy from El Paso who was a firefighter by trade and a sideline photographer in his other gig. What a cool job. I wonder how he worked his way into that one. Anyway toward the end of the evening John Mclain staggered up at the bar next to me and wanted some drink or other that the bartender was out of. He got kind of belligerent and let loose with the "do you know who I am" thing. Of course the bartender had no clue, but I did. Anyone who listens to sports talk radio can't mistake that gravelly whiskey voice. I clued the bartender in on who just left his bar (after he finally left) and the guy said something to the effect of "I don't care who he is. That guy is a f....... a..hole. " I couldn't agree more. He chalked himself up in my book to what the sports world obviously already knows he is: An Ass!! Perhaps John is just trying to live up to the image of the hard drinking sports writer. That is all well and good I suppose, but he should try to handle his liquor a little better. You are not in high school John. Knowing what I know about John, I am sure that since the Super Bowl was in Houston and he is based out of here, he probably felt that he was the Prince of the Game. Did I mention that he is might be an egomaniac?
Here is where the story of Mclain gets even funnier. Now I did not have this happen to me and did not witness it but it was told to me by some cabbie a few years back and I chose to believe it. This guy, I don't know his name unfortunately, told me that he had Mclain in his cab and he pulled the same "do you know who I am stunt." Of course Mclain was allegedly hammered at the time. If this alleged incident would have happened to me, I would have pulled over and let him out of the car be it in front of a police station or crack house. Been my pleasure to do so.
I met a good many sports celebrities during that Super Bowl and was treated nice by each and every on of them. Had a conversation with Buddy Ryan and met the then Pats kicker Adam V. Seemed like good guys. Incidentally Adam cost me 2000 bucks in another Super Bowl a couple of years back when he missed a chip shot field goal with time running out in the first half. I was in a 100 buck a square office pool and a field goal would have netted me two grand. He missed it of course. I haven't forgiven him for that yet.
I have bartended for Jesse Jackson and found him interesting. He disappeared at one point in this big mansion type place called the Parador at the intersection of Almeda and Binz in Houston and there was wild speculation on where he went. Maybe found him a hottie was the going bet. At the same party I served Rep Sheila Jackson Lee and found her rude and arrogant. That is nothing unexpected however. She wasn't at my bar long enough for me to additionally classify her as stupid but she has since proven that to be the case. She also might be an egomaniac.
The list goes on and on with celebrities of politics, screen and sports that I have served in my career as a bartender. Most seem just like regular folk but when there are exceptions they sure stand out.
I almost forgot. In my cab I once chauffeured around a woman for hours that told me she was porn star Isis Nile. I thought her full of crap, but later looked it up on the internet and there she was in all her glory. She gave me a kiss on the forehead as I finally dropped her off after a night of partying and I bet I could have got me a little of that. Would have tried if I was a single man. Just to say I did it!
I do a little bartending (and cab driving) in the Houston area and it being the large city that it is and I, being damn good at my job (Toot!, Toot!), have worked my fair share of events that cater to the celebrity crowd. I have had some good experiences and bad. Just because one finds themselves in the public eye, does not mean that they are any better (and often worse)than anyone else. I will name names here so read on brother.
A few years ago the NBA All Star game came to town along with all of the broohaha associated with it. I worked a number of the events including the rookie game, a private party or two and the gigantic NBA after party. I actually did not work the All Star Game as I was assigned to the party afterward. Here are some recollections of the event.
The after party was extremely busy with literally thousands of people at the event and everyone doing there level best to get drunk as hell. This truly reminded me of the Tom Cruise movie "Cocktail." It was that insane. At one point some guy broke in front of other people in line and informed my that "Steve Francis and his crew wanted a bottle of Cristal. His "crew?" I was not aware that Steve Francis was a river boat captain. To be honest, this occurred a few years ago and the guy might have used the term "posse." If so I would imagine that the only posse this thug belonged to was not going to mount up and chase bad guys anytime soon. Perhaps his posse was more adept at hunting bimbos in the club (with a bottle full of bub, look mami I got the X if you into takin drugs). You get the picture? Another thing I remember is the MC kept hollering "Jamie Fox is in the house" over and over. It was earsplitting. One thing I did notice was Magic Johnson standing in line in my partners station just like everyone else. An NBA Hall of Fame player who had the class and decency to wait his turn just like regular folk. He is from the old school no doubt. Contrast that with Steve Francis' representative demanding Cristal. Anyway it was my distinct pleasure to tell him that the Cristal was sold only at a booth completely across the venue.
At another NBA game I was assigned to the suite that Yao Ming's parents had for the night. They seemed like very reserved and nice people. But there were some things going on there that I found really disturbing. Now there was nobody being rude or demanding, quite the contrary, everyone was exceedingly polite. Here is where it begins to get a bit disturbing. There were some businessmen and hangers on obviously from Red China along with some oily, perpetually smiling, little guys who were obviously agents of the government (PRC). There is after all a Red Chinese consulate on Montrose Street in Houston. Here is where it gets really problematic (for me as an American) - There were quite a few other Americans (obviously business types looking to score something or other) who were scraping and bowing to our guests from the Peoples Republic. There was one guy who apparently had some kind of basketball shoe to sell and was lobbying to have them made in China. He was bowing to these government types so low that I was afraid he would end up with one's joint in his mouth. I doubt that would have bothered him much come to think of it. Well I did my job professionally, politely and competently but I did not bow to anyone. As an American I will bow to no man. Especially not in my own country. I am really very surprised that I was not given some kind of heads up from Toyota Center management that I was supposed to bow or something. I would have refused the job and gone home. Hmmmm. Why does our President find the need to kowtow and bow to Mohammedans and others when he is overseas? We don't bowto anyone! Period! It is our culture.
Well there is a sports writer here in Houston named John Mclain and though he really does not classify as a celebrity (I guess) he thinks himself one I am sure. In 2003 I believe it was, Houston hosted the Super Bowl now more remembered for the famous "wardrobe malfunction" than the actual game (Carolina vs New England). At any rate I bartended at a few of those parties and it was "Cocktail" all over again. The last Super Bowl event was the "after party" that catered mostly to journalists and their ilk. It was pretty damn busy but kind of lame none the less. I met a real cool guy from El Paso who was a firefighter by trade and a sideline photographer in his other gig. What a cool job. I wonder how he worked his way into that one. Anyway toward the end of the evening John Mclain staggered up at the bar next to me and wanted some drink or other that the bartender was out of. He got kind of belligerent and let loose with the "do you know who I am" thing. Of course the bartender had no clue, but I did. Anyone who listens to sports talk radio can't mistake that gravelly whiskey voice. I clued the bartender in on who just left his bar (after he finally left) and the guy said something to the effect of "I don't care who he is. That guy is a f....... a..hole. " I couldn't agree more. He chalked himself up in my book to what the sports world obviously already knows he is: An Ass!! Perhaps John is just trying to live up to the image of the hard drinking sports writer. That is all well and good I suppose, but he should try to handle his liquor a little better. You are not in high school John. Knowing what I know about John, I am sure that since the Super Bowl was in Houston and he is based out of here, he probably felt that he was the Prince of the Game. Did I mention that he is might be an egomaniac?
Here is where the story of Mclain gets even funnier. Now I did not have this happen to me and did not witness it but it was told to me by some cabbie a few years back and I chose to believe it. This guy, I don't know his name unfortunately, told me that he had Mclain in his cab and he pulled the same "do you know who I am stunt." Of course Mclain was allegedly hammered at the time. If this alleged incident would have happened to me, I would have pulled over and let him out of the car be it in front of a police station or crack house. Been my pleasure to do so.
I met a good many sports celebrities during that Super Bowl and was treated nice by each and every on of them. Had a conversation with Buddy Ryan and met the then Pats kicker Adam V. Seemed like good guys. Incidentally Adam cost me 2000 bucks in another Super Bowl a couple of years back when he missed a chip shot field goal with time running out in the first half. I was in a 100 buck a square office pool and a field goal would have netted me two grand. He missed it of course. I haven't forgiven him for that yet.
I have bartended for Jesse Jackson and found him interesting. He disappeared at one point in this big mansion type place called the Parador at the intersection of Almeda and Binz in Houston and there was wild speculation on where he went. Maybe found him a hottie was the going bet. At the same party I served Rep Sheila Jackson Lee and found her rude and arrogant. That is nothing unexpected however. She wasn't at my bar long enough for me to additionally classify her as stupid but she has since proven that to be the case. She also might be an egomaniac.
The list goes on and on with celebrities of politics, screen and sports that I have served in my career as a bartender. Most seem just like regular folk but when there are exceptions they sure stand out.
I almost forgot. In my cab I once chauffeured around a woman for hours that told me she was porn star Isis Nile. I thought her full of crap, but later looked it up on the internet and there she was in all her glory. She gave me a kiss on the forehead as I finally dropped her off after a night of partying and I bet I could have got me a little of that. Would have tried if I was a single man. Just to say I did it!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Resisting the Lure of the Cab
This was posted in November 2010 in Notes From The Cab. I still sometimes miss the taxi business.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
As I noted in an earlier post I have given up the Taxi business in the Houston area. My license is now expired and barring a complete personal financial meltdown, I have no intention of renewing it. I must admit however that I have been feeling the "lure of the cab" this week. This week, barring Thanksgiving Day itself, is one of the most profitable weeks in the biz. People are traveling, kids are at the clubs, and folks are starting to shop for Xmas. There are people to meet, money to make, and adventures to have and I am missing out. Been "Jonesing" a bit for the cab this week as some old dopers like to say. It is like quitting smoking I suppose. Stay away from it and eventually the urge will subside. I don't think it will ever totally go away though. Funny how things can get in your blood. I must stay strong. By God!
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
As I noted in an earlier post I have given up the Taxi business in the Houston area. My license is now expired and barring a complete personal financial meltdown, I have no intention of renewing it. I must admit however that I have been feeling the "lure of the cab" this week. This week, barring Thanksgiving Day itself, is one of the most profitable weeks in the biz. People are traveling, kids are at the clubs, and folks are starting to shop for Xmas. There are people to meet, money to make, and adventures to have and I am missing out. Been "Jonesing" a bit for the cab this week as some old dopers like to say. It is like quitting smoking I suppose. Stay away from it and eventually the urge will subside. I don't think it will ever totally go away though. Funny how things can get in your blood. I must stay strong. By God!
Friday, December 2, 2011
I Ain't Agonna Burn No Johnny Flag Anytime Nohow
This was first posted in Notes From The Cab in August 2010 shortly after I was informed by one rather strange lady that "Burn a Confederate Flag Day" was upon us.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
I have been informed by one the readers of this blog that Sept. 12 is "Burn A Confederate Flag Day." I had never heard of such a thing and it struck me as rather unbecoming to hold such an event the day after the anniversary of the horrific events on Sept 11, 2001. Be that as it may, I saw no reason to doubt the reader on the flag issue but I did check it out. Kind of a trust but verify type of thing, if you will. True enough, Sept 12 is "Burn A Confederate Flag Day." Apparently this is some sort of event sponsored in opposition to the so called "Tea Party movement." I am not sure what to think. Is this to become some sort of demi-holiday like Valentines Day? Should I buy someone a card? If so, do I need to put a few bucks or a gift certificate of some sort inside? Will a bouquet of roses be in order or should I wear some sort of costume? This new holiday is quite confusing, We already have the aforementioned Valentines Day, Secretary Day, Grandparents Day, etc. etc. Those holidays seem to be nothing more than ploys to enrich the greeting card industry. Is this new "Burn A Confederate Flag Day" something that the flag and banner industry has come up with and tied it in with the the anti Tea Party movement? That would be brilliant marketing. What better way to unload a surplus of Confederate flags than scam a bunch of loons into buying a huge number to bother another group of loons. Yes sir brilliant marketing indeed!
Now I don't own a Confederate flag and I don't plan on buying one anytime soon -to burn or display. Not sure really where to buy one. I have never seen one at the Evil Empire. Have you? I have noticed that those who display the Rebel flag on their vehicles or out in their yard are generally people who are somewhat low on the food chain as it were. A lot of them sort of remind me of Early, the character played by Brad Pitt, in the movie Kalifornia. People you just generally do not want to hang out with or at least I don't. Now using a Confederate flag as a "curtain" or drape in your front window is another thing entirely. Nothing enhances the beauty of a home like a big Reb flag covering the front window. Call Better Homes and Gardens for a photo shoot. You will be the envy of the neighborhood. Better than the "major award" in the Christmas Story.
Now I certainly understand that the flag is odious to a large number of Americans. How could it not be? With that being said however, it is irritating to me to see the symbol burned. Now it is not in the same league of course as someone burning the flag of the United States, but this flag is part of the history of this great nation. While the flag that is considered the "Confederate Flag" is in reality not the actual national flag of the CSA--(Oh screw it. No sense bothering with the facts). What is important is that this flag is (again) a part of our history. Like it or not! It is bothersome that there are those that demand the flag be removed from this or that site, burn it, desecrate it, etc. There is no denying national history. Even if some of that history is offensive to many.
Nope. I ain't agonna burn no Johnny flag anytime nohow.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
I have been informed by one the readers of this blog that Sept. 12 is "Burn A Confederate Flag Day." I had never heard of such a thing and it struck me as rather unbecoming to hold such an event the day after the anniversary of the horrific events on Sept 11, 2001. Be that as it may, I saw no reason to doubt the reader on the flag issue but I did check it out. Kind of a trust but verify type of thing, if you will. True enough, Sept 12 is "Burn A Confederate Flag Day." Apparently this is some sort of event sponsored in opposition to the so called "Tea Party movement." I am not sure what to think. Is this to become some sort of demi-holiday like Valentines Day? Should I buy someone a card? If so, do I need to put a few bucks or a gift certificate of some sort inside? Will a bouquet of roses be in order or should I wear some sort of costume? This new holiday is quite confusing, We already have the aforementioned Valentines Day, Secretary Day, Grandparents Day, etc. etc. Those holidays seem to be nothing more than ploys to enrich the greeting card industry. Is this new "Burn A Confederate Flag Day" something that the flag and banner industry has come up with and tied it in with the the anti Tea Party movement? That would be brilliant marketing. What better way to unload a surplus of Confederate flags than scam a bunch of loons into buying a huge number to bother another group of loons. Yes sir brilliant marketing indeed!
Now I don't own a Confederate flag and I don't plan on buying one anytime soon -to burn or display. Not sure really where to buy one. I have never seen one at the Evil Empire. Have you? I have noticed that those who display the Rebel flag on their vehicles or out in their yard are generally people who are somewhat low on the food chain as it were. A lot of them sort of remind me of Early, the character played by Brad Pitt, in the movie Kalifornia. People you just generally do not want to hang out with or at least I don't. Now using a Confederate flag as a "curtain" or drape in your front window is another thing entirely. Nothing enhances the beauty of a home like a big Reb flag covering the front window. Call Better Homes and Gardens for a photo shoot. You will be the envy of the neighborhood. Better than the "major award" in the Christmas Story.
Now I certainly understand that the flag is odious to a large number of Americans. How could it not be? With that being said however, it is irritating to me to see the symbol burned. Now it is not in the same league of course as someone burning the flag of the United States, but this flag is part of the history of this great nation. While the flag that is considered the "Confederate Flag" is in reality not the actual national flag of the CSA--(Oh screw it. No sense bothering with the facts). What is important is that this flag is (again) a part of our history. Like it or not! It is bothersome that there are those that demand the flag be removed from this or that site, burn it, desecrate it, etc. There is no denying national history. Even if some of that history is offensive to many.
Nope. I ain't agonna burn no Johnny flag anytime nohow.
What a Pack of Fruit Loops
This was first posted in Sept 2009 in Notes From the Cab right after I had worked this little event.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
All three of four of you who may actually read my blog know that I bartend a little, drive a cab some, and work with a local caterer on occasion. I also recently started substitute teaching, which is somewhat interesting. Put it all together and it is a very modest living. Well, not even that really. Thankfully my wife has a pretty good job which keeps this family at least functioning economically, as long as we don't go overboard.
Last night I took a job from a hospitality staffing service to bartend at a "high end" hotel in downtown Houston. It was supposed to be a bartending gig, but when I got there I was assigned to basically just hang around and keep my area picked up. Ok, no problem. This place does tip share and I really did not feel like bartending for a fairly large crowd when I can make the same just standing around. Kind of lazy I know. I probably should have worked the bar as the people they assigned were slow as Christmas. Believe it or not I heard on guy ask another about the proper way to make a vodka tonic. This was done via radio; one of the supervisors was in my vicinity with his radio. Oh well, no skin off my nose. I watched another guy at a satellite bar have difficulty with the cork on a wine bottle. This was a supposedly a"high end" event and it was not "Sutter Home" that he was trying to open. I thought about going over and giving him a little instruction, but I have met the guy and found him a tad arrogant in our earlier conversation. I let him figure it out himself. That being said, I will now get to the main point of this little blog entry.
I have worked at this particular hotel a time or two and the management is some kind of tight assed. The regular employees are perennially frightened for some reason. These guys in suits nitpick about the smallest thing, and are constantly on patrol. There seems to be a whole lot of well dressed chiefs here and not quite enough Indians as they say. I did my best to look busy, and was for the most part pretty busy keeping my area in order, but once or twice I did feel a critical evil eye cast my way and one comment was made to me before the event began that my mustache was a little "bushy." I actually had to go and trim it slightly. Ok, no problem, although if there were any further critical comments I do believe that the guy would have been told to go find a wee wee to smooch. That would have been no problem for him I am sure, but I will get to that in a moment. Another guy had a goatee and was informed that he needed to shave it off which he declined to do. Apparently they let it slide as he worked the entire night. All in all it just turned out be all right. Worked until pretty late in the night, cleaned up, and went home. Other than the anal management though, what was really interesting was the actual event itself. Let me tell you about it.
Although this particular hotel is very upscale, probably number one or two in the Houston area, it does not often host fairly large events. It is not a Hilton, Hyatt or a Crowne Plaza type place that caters to convention type business. It is more of a "boutique" type of place. That may have been one reason why the managers were so anal. They are very uptight on a normal day I have noticed, but last night they were over the top. Anyway, the event itself was some sort of fashion event with predominately Italian clothing and accessories being featured. There were quite a few people from the "Old Country" in attendance and Italian could be heard spoken by many. The food was authentic, and I did get to eat a little after the event. Somewhat different than what you would get at the Olive Garden. Perhaps that is why I have the runs this morning.
What was really wild was the people that attended this event. I have never been around such an interesting or decadent crowd, except perhaps at a "swinger" event.
A good majority of the men were gay, that goes without saying perhaps. After all it was a fashion thing. These guys were what are commonly called "flamers." With a capital F! That is all ok but there was a good deal of hand holding, kissing, and public groping. I mean real ding dong grabbing. Get a room! There were some regular hotel guests in and around the pool while this was taking place. There were a couple of security guys hanging around and they watched but I did not notice them trying to control the situation. I would imagine that they would have been fired if they interfered. The money spent on this event was quite evident. As far as I know, no one unleashed their weapon. Wonder if security would have done anything then?I do not believe I mentioned that the event was held on the "courtyard" which has a pool, enclosed work out space, pool bar and grill, etc. etc. as part of the area. While no one looked offended that I could see, I did see a lot of bemused expressions. I myself was not shocked but did find it somewhat amusing.
There were a lot of guys there that were not openly gay and some of these cats were dressed like something out of the 1978. We are talking about shirts open to the navel and flashy gold chains. The whole nine yards. No one that I saw had "feathered" hair though. Some of these guys had very pretty Oriental women on their arms that were at least half their age. I could not be sure but I would bet the girls were earning a little extra cash themselves that evening. Most likely they were recruited from the numerous "rub and tug" places that are everywhere in Houston. Incidentally, the existence of those type of joints can put substantial money in a cab driver's pocket when there are conventions in town. A lot of "out of town sports" are interested in some extracurricular fun and any cabbie worth his salt knows where this fun is to be had. The bump back that is given to cabbies from these fine business establishments can be fairly substantial; but I digress.
The women at this event, discounting the pretty young Asians, were for the most part, dressed like something out of some off the wall fashion magazine that no one really reads. At least no one I know. They ranged in age from the mid 20's perhaps up to a least 70. The older they were the more outlandish and cartoonish they looked. It was nuts. I did have one of the younger women ask me if I knew the name of the designer of some handbag that was being modeled. Of course I had no earthly idea, but I amused myself by telling her that I believed the designer to be B. Dick Black. I then scooted off into the crowd. She probably didn't buy it but I had my little fun. Here is where it gets really wild. One guy I was working with came up to me and asked if had a seen any p...y. You know what I am talking about? I asked him if he meant literally and he laughed and said "of course." Well I had seen at least 5 full beaver shots plus quite a few "hints of beaver." That sounds like a cologne. Maybe I should market that. Some of the "ladies" at this event evidently do not believe in wearing underwear. Even the teensy thong kind. Apparently they were also not taught by their mother's how to sit in a ladylike fashion. They probably just don't care. Maybe it does not even cross their minds. It was a rather interesting job.
It is sort of funny. One goes about their life wearing "normal" clothes just going with the flow and living life. Then one comes across others so different in attitudes, dress, etc. etc. that it can be rather startling at times. It makes things interesting. We are a strange species.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
All three of four of you who may actually read my blog know that I bartend a little, drive a cab some, and work with a local caterer on occasion. I also recently started substitute teaching, which is somewhat interesting. Put it all together and it is a very modest living. Well, not even that really. Thankfully my wife has a pretty good job which keeps this family at least functioning economically, as long as we don't go overboard.
Last night I took a job from a hospitality staffing service to bartend at a "high end" hotel in downtown Houston. It was supposed to be a bartending gig, but when I got there I was assigned to basically just hang around and keep my area picked up. Ok, no problem. This place does tip share and I really did not feel like bartending for a fairly large crowd when I can make the same just standing around. Kind of lazy I know. I probably should have worked the bar as the people they assigned were slow as Christmas. Believe it or not I heard on guy ask another about the proper way to make a vodka tonic. This was done via radio; one of the supervisors was in my vicinity with his radio. Oh well, no skin off my nose. I watched another guy at a satellite bar have difficulty with the cork on a wine bottle. This was a supposedly a"high end" event and it was not "Sutter Home" that he was trying to open. I thought about going over and giving him a little instruction, but I have met the guy and found him a tad arrogant in our earlier conversation. I let him figure it out himself. That being said, I will now get to the main point of this little blog entry.
I have worked at this particular hotel a time or two and the management is some kind of tight assed. The regular employees are perennially frightened for some reason. These guys in suits nitpick about the smallest thing, and are constantly on patrol. There seems to be a whole lot of well dressed chiefs here and not quite enough Indians as they say. I did my best to look busy, and was for the most part pretty busy keeping my area in order, but once or twice I did feel a critical evil eye cast my way and one comment was made to me before the event began that my mustache was a little "bushy." I actually had to go and trim it slightly. Ok, no problem, although if there were any further critical comments I do believe that the guy would have been told to go find a wee wee to smooch. That would have been no problem for him I am sure, but I will get to that in a moment. Another guy had a goatee and was informed that he needed to shave it off which he declined to do. Apparently they let it slide as he worked the entire night. All in all it just turned out be all right. Worked until pretty late in the night, cleaned up, and went home. Other than the anal management though, what was really interesting was the actual event itself. Let me tell you about it.
Although this particular hotel is very upscale, probably number one or two in the Houston area, it does not often host fairly large events. It is not a Hilton, Hyatt or a Crowne Plaza type place that caters to convention type business. It is more of a "boutique" type of place. That may have been one reason why the managers were so anal. They are very uptight on a normal day I have noticed, but last night they were over the top. Anyway, the event itself was some sort of fashion event with predominately Italian clothing and accessories being featured. There were quite a few people from the "Old Country" in attendance and Italian could be heard spoken by many. The food was authentic, and I did get to eat a little after the event. Somewhat different than what you would get at the Olive Garden. Perhaps that is why I have the runs this morning.
What was really wild was the people that attended this event. I have never been around such an interesting or decadent crowd, except perhaps at a "swinger" event.
A good majority of the men were gay, that goes without saying perhaps. After all it was a fashion thing. These guys were what are commonly called "flamers." With a capital F! That is all ok but there was a good deal of hand holding, kissing, and public groping. I mean real ding dong grabbing. Get a room! There were some regular hotel guests in and around the pool while this was taking place. There were a couple of security guys hanging around and they watched but I did not notice them trying to control the situation. I would imagine that they would have been fired if they interfered. The money spent on this event was quite evident. As far as I know, no one unleashed their weapon. Wonder if security would have done anything then?I do not believe I mentioned that the event was held on the "courtyard" which has a pool, enclosed work out space, pool bar and grill, etc. etc. as part of the area. While no one looked offended that I could see, I did see a lot of bemused expressions. I myself was not shocked but did find it somewhat amusing.
There were a lot of guys there that were not openly gay and some of these cats were dressed like something out of the 1978. We are talking about shirts open to the navel and flashy gold chains. The whole nine yards. No one that I saw had "feathered" hair though. Some of these guys had very pretty Oriental women on their arms that were at least half their age. I could not be sure but I would bet the girls were earning a little extra cash themselves that evening. Most likely they were recruited from the numerous "rub and tug" places that are everywhere in Houston. Incidentally, the existence of those type of joints can put substantial money in a cab driver's pocket when there are conventions in town. A lot of "out of town sports" are interested in some extracurricular fun and any cabbie worth his salt knows where this fun is to be had. The bump back that is given to cabbies from these fine business establishments can be fairly substantial; but I digress.
The women at this event, discounting the pretty young Asians, were for the most part, dressed like something out of some off the wall fashion magazine that no one really reads. At least no one I know. They ranged in age from the mid 20's perhaps up to a least 70. The older they were the more outlandish and cartoonish they looked. It was nuts. I did have one of the younger women ask me if I knew the name of the designer of some handbag that was being modeled. Of course I had no earthly idea, but I amused myself by telling her that I believed the designer to be B. Dick Black. I then scooted off into the crowd. She probably didn't buy it but I had my little fun. Here is where it gets really wild. One guy I was working with came up to me and asked if had a seen any p...y. You know what I am talking about? I asked him if he meant literally and he laughed and said "of course." Well I had seen at least 5 full beaver shots plus quite a few "hints of beaver." That sounds like a cologne. Maybe I should market that. Some of the "ladies" at this event evidently do not believe in wearing underwear. Even the teensy thong kind. Apparently they were also not taught by their mother's how to sit in a ladylike fashion. They probably just don't care. Maybe it does not even cross their minds. It was a rather interesting job.
It is sort of funny. One goes about their life wearing "normal" clothes just going with the flow and living life. Then one comes across others so different in attitudes, dress, etc. etc. that it can be rather startling at times. It makes things interesting. We are a strange species.
Democrats are Weenies and Republicans are Space Aliens
This post was first published in July 2009 in Notes From The Cab. It is a chronicle of the first time that I noticed a huge difference in the Republican and Democrat Party types. I came to the conclusion that the true believers of both political parties are very strange humans indeed and that some may not even be humans at all.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
I bartend part time in the Houston area and have done so for quite a number of years. I have worked events that make some of the scenes from the Tom Cruise movie "Cocktail" look pretty tame. Some of the Super Bowl and NBA Allstar Game parties were so busy it was almost amazing. I have also had the pleasure of working some major Democrat and Republican Party events and have noticed quite a bit of difference in the drinking habits, general behavior, and most amazingly, even the differences in the "looks" of those folks.
The largest Democrat party event that I worked was held at the Hyatt Regency Downtown in Houston. I believe it was the state or some kind of regional convention and the ballroom was packed with probably over 800 people. This would usually cause no real problem except that the Hyatt only provided 9 or 10 bartenders for the event. Usually even this would not be a real big deal if the drinkers ordered wine , beer and quick and easy drinks. Democrats, even the men, tend to drink labor intensive foofoo drinks. The result of course was nothing less than chaotic as people were ordering drinks that take a little extra time. I even had one twidget at my bar wanting a Creamsickle. Have you ever heard of a "Wicky Wacky Woo?" I never had, but I learned to make one that night. One thing is certain; these Democrats pound down the alcohol and get quite loud. There was dancing, some of it dirty, and very heavy drinking. At one point Dumbass Sheila Jackson Lee got on stage and addressed the crowd. From the reaction you would have thought that Bill himself had made a surprise appearance. I am pretty sure that some of these folks would have had to been carried out if the Hyatt had provided another couple of bartenders to make the service faster. I also noticed that the Democrats had a certain look. The crowd seemed to be pretty equally divided between men and women. A lot of the women were pretty good looking but I saw no stunners. Some of them looked a little in need of a bath. Perhaps the men were the most diverse. I saw a few hippy types, quite a few that looked a little light in the loafers, and a good many that looked moneyed, young and hip. There were a few older limousine liberals in attendance also. At one point one guy asked me if I was a Republican or Democrat. I gave him some non committal answer because I did not want to put any tip in jeopardy. I could not bring myself to identify with these goobers though, tips notwithstanding. What really surprises me was that I got out of there without anyone asking to blow me. That was good as it doubtless would have been a guy.
Republicans are so different from the Democrats that it is hard to believe that they are the same species. I have worked two different Republican events, on major and one minor. The large event was held at the Hilton Americas in downtown Houston, which is a much newer and nicer venue than the Hyatt. Republicans are drinkers also but their tastes tend to be in the Cabernet Sauvignon, beer, and Scotch or Crown and water category. Serving Republicans is much easier than Dems. At first glance a Democrat function is much more interesting to watch than a Republican one. There was heavy drinking and dancing but no borderline depravity on the dance floor. They also made a lot of noise when that ass Tom DeLay made an appearance, but it was not orgiastic. They are a much more subdued bunch. They certainly do not tip real well. There were not a lot of women at the Hilton event, but there were a few stunners ( I think some were "escorts). I would guess it was about at 70 man to 30 women ratio. Like I said, on the surface they just do not seem as interesting than as the Democrats but look a little closer however and one might notice something really disturbing. Some of those people did not look human! I know that sounds crazy but I honestly noticed that some of them looked like humanoids. I saw a documentary recently where a Japanese scientist or engineer built a robot that was a remarkable likeness of him, but still had an odd plastic look look about it. That was what some of these Republicans looked like; plastic, robotic, and humanoid. I even asked my bartending partner if she thought some of the people looked odd and she confessed she thought so also. I did not elaborate on my suspicions, but I came to the conclusion that some of those folks were space aliens.
Some say that the Republicans and Democrats are the same, but I know otherwise. Many Democrats tend to be weenies, swingers and twits while many Republicans are not from this planet at all.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
I bartend part time in the Houston area and have done so for quite a number of years. I have worked events that make some of the scenes from the Tom Cruise movie "Cocktail" look pretty tame. Some of the Super Bowl and NBA Allstar Game parties were so busy it was almost amazing. I have also had the pleasure of working some major Democrat and Republican Party events and have noticed quite a bit of difference in the drinking habits, general behavior, and most amazingly, even the differences in the "looks" of those folks.
The largest Democrat party event that I worked was held at the Hyatt Regency Downtown in Houston. I believe it was the state or some kind of regional convention and the ballroom was packed with probably over 800 people. This would usually cause no real problem except that the Hyatt only provided 9 or 10 bartenders for the event. Usually even this would not be a real big deal if the drinkers ordered wine , beer and quick and easy drinks. Democrats, even the men, tend to drink labor intensive foofoo drinks. The result of course was nothing less than chaotic as people were ordering drinks that take a little extra time. I even had one twidget at my bar wanting a Creamsickle. Have you ever heard of a "Wicky Wacky Woo?" I never had, but I learned to make one that night. One thing is certain; these Democrats pound down the alcohol and get quite loud. There was dancing, some of it dirty, and very heavy drinking. At one point Dumbass Sheila Jackson Lee got on stage and addressed the crowd. From the reaction you would have thought that Bill himself had made a surprise appearance. I am pretty sure that some of these folks would have had to been carried out if the Hyatt had provided another couple of bartenders to make the service faster. I also noticed that the Democrats had a certain look. The crowd seemed to be pretty equally divided between men and women. A lot of the women were pretty good looking but I saw no stunners. Some of them looked a little in need of a bath. Perhaps the men were the most diverse. I saw a few hippy types, quite a few that looked a little light in the loafers, and a good many that looked moneyed, young and hip. There were a few older limousine liberals in attendance also. At one point one guy asked me if I was a Republican or Democrat. I gave him some non committal answer because I did not want to put any tip in jeopardy. I could not bring myself to identify with these goobers though, tips notwithstanding. What really surprises me was that I got out of there without anyone asking to blow me. That was good as it doubtless would have been a guy.
Republicans are so different from the Democrats that it is hard to believe that they are the same species. I have worked two different Republican events, on major and one minor. The large event was held at the Hilton Americas in downtown Houston, which is a much newer and nicer venue than the Hyatt. Republicans are drinkers also but their tastes tend to be in the Cabernet Sauvignon, beer, and Scotch or Crown and water category. Serving Republicans is much easier than Dems. At first glance a Democrat function is much more interesting to watch than a Republican one. There was heavy drinking and dancing but no borderline depravity on the dance floor. They also made a lot of noise when that ass Tom DeLay made an appearance, but it was not orgiastic. They are a much more subdued bunch. They certainly do not tip real well. There were not a lot of women at the Hilton event, but there were a few stunners ( I think some were "escorts). I would guess it was about at 70 man to 30 women ratio. Like I said, on the surface they just do not seem as interesting than as the Democrats but look a little closer however and one might notice something really disturbing. Some of those people did not look human! I know that sounds crazy but I honestly noticed that some of them looked like humanoids. I saw a documentary recently where a Japanese scientist or engineer built a robot that was a remarkable likeness of him, but still had an odd plastic look look about it. That was what some of these Republicans looked like; plastic, robotic, and humanoid. I even asked my bartending partner if she thought some of the people looked odd and she confessed she thought so also. I did not elaborate on my suspicions, but I came to the conclusion that some of those folks were space aliens.
Some say that the Republicans and Democrats are the same, but I know otherwise. Many Democrats tend to be weenies, swingers and twits while many Republicans are not from this planet at all.
My Dog Hates Bicyclists And So Do I
Originally published 8/9/09 on Notes From the Cab. Unlike the previous little story about my dog, this one is factual.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
The other day my little dog was out running the yard when a group of those bicyclists rode by. You know the ones with the super expensive bicycles and the ridiculous colored skin tight outfits. For some reason that only he would know, he took out after them yapping at their tires and generally causing a hazard, and then it happened. One of the pink and green clothed riders squirted him in the face with a water bottle. I burst out laughing as he ran back into the yard with his wet ears. I could tell that his feelings were hurt and that he did not understand why anyone would have the audacity to squirt him in the face. I told him that he should stay in the yard and such things were not likely to happen . I don't think it helped however because he sulked about the rest of the day.
The whole episode was hilarious and the more I thought on the matter I concluded thus: Haven't we all at one time or another wanted to squirt one of these bicyclists in the face with a water bottle?I know I have. In parts of Houston these people will ride their machines in the center of the traffic lane and hold everybody up. If you dare try to pass them and get a little close to avoid a head on collision with another vehicle, these fools become very upset. They obviously believe that they own the road. Don't ever honk at one or you may be the victim of a lot of vitriol and may even be sprayed in the face yourself with a water bottle. God fordid that you actually hit one with a vehicle. They will crucify you in court.
If that is not reason enough for you to hate these people, the cute little outfits they wear should really tick you off. I guess it is one thing for a woman to wear cutsy little outfits like this, but a man should just have a little more of the "manliness gene" than to wear such. It is just one step up from wearing a skirt, aerodynamics be damned. As a kid and young adult I rode a bike a good bit, but I just wore regular clothes. I have also noticed that the ladies look much better riding their bikes wearing bikinis than those stupid outfits. Now I understand that riding a bike is good exercise and all, but it just seems that these people could avoid holding up traffic on busy city streets and high speed highways.
I myself would not mind having a bicycle and may one day get another one, but it will be ridden on neighborhood streets and perhaps on the Galveston Seawall. I assure you I won't be wearing any fruity getup. You can take that to the bank.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
The other day my little dog was out running the yard when a group of those bicyclists rode by. You know the ones with the super expensive bicycles and the ridiculous colored skin tight outfits. For some reason that only he would know, he took out after them yapping at their tires and generally causing a hazard, and then it happened. One of the pink and green clothed riders squirted him in the face with a water bottle. I burst out laughing as he ran back into the yard with his wet ears. I could tell that his feelings were hurt and that he did not understand why anyone would have the audacity to squirt him in the face. I told him that he should stay in the yard and such things were not likely to happen . I don't think it helped however because he sulked about the rest of the day.
The whole episode was hilarious and the more I thought on the matter I concluded thus: Haven't we all at one time or another wanted to squirt one of these bicyclists in the face with a water bottle?I know I have. In parts of Houston these people will ride their machines in the center of the traffic lane and hold everybody up. If you dare try to pass them and get a little close to avoid a head on collision with another vehicle, these fools become very upset. They obviously believe that they own the road. Don't ever honk at one or you may be the victim of a lot of vitriol and may even be sprayed in the face yourself with a water bottle. God fordid that you actually hit one with a vehicle. They will crucify you in court.
If that is not reason enough for you to hate these people, the cute little outfits they wear should really tick you off. I guess it is one thing for a woman to wear cutsy little outfits like this, but a man should just have a little more of the "manliness gene" than to wear such. It is just one step up from wearing a skirt, aerodynamics be damned. As a kid and young adult I rode a bike a good bit, but I just wore regular clothes. I have also noticed that the ladies look much better riding their bikes wearing bikinis than those stupid outfits. Now I understand that riding a bike is good exercise and all, but it just seems that these people could avoid holding up traffic on busy city streets and high speed highways.
I myself would not mind having a bicycle and may one day get another one, but it will be ridden on neighborhood streets and perhaps on the Galveston Seawall. I assure you I won't be wearing any fruity getup. You can take that to the bank.
Apparently My Dog Is Miscegenated
Originally published 8/11/09 on Notes From The Cab
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
Yesterday I introduced my little dog and wrote about his unfortunate altercation with a bicyclist. As Double OO Spool ( the late Jack Nance) said in the David Lynch Film "Wild at Heart:" "Mentally you picture my dog , but I have not told you the type of dog it is that I have. Perhaps you even picture Toto from the "Wizard of Oz." I really can't tell you what type of dog he is. He has also requested that I withhold his name to, as he put it, "protect the guilty." I will tell you that it is always and adventure hanging out with him. He is very funny, smart and pretty darn good looking in an odd sort of way. I guess one could probably describe him as a cross between Pomeranian, Chihuahua and Rat Terrier. He has expressive brown eyes and a little curl for a tail. He loves the cats that he was originally introduced to, but is terrified of kittens. He has no problem chasing people out of the yard, even though it would be very easy to drop kick him 50 yards. A "Doberman attitude with a Chihuahua body" is how a meat salesman described him one afternoon.
He came into our life a couple of years ago. We drove into the yard after a long weekend mini vacation and there he was. He was just sitting there like he was waiting for us. My daughter asked me if she could keep him, and for whatever reason, I said yes. My wife thought I was out of my mind as we already had a handful of cats, not to mention a rodent in a cage living in our home. We really should charge admission to come into our house. At any rate, I said yes, and the dog became ours. I didn't think he would last long however as he had a propensity to take off running across the street. A street on which the local rednecks love to drive 60 mph. The little dog just did not seem to have any fear of traffic whatsoever. I got really tired of chasing his ass around to bring him back to the house and so I finally bought a leash. He had only been with us for a short while when I began to notice that weird episodes were associated with his presence.
The second or third time I took him for his walk an odd episode occurred. I was perhaps two or three blocks from the house when an old man yelled "Careful Corporal, the Germans have some artillery observers somewhere around here. They have been dropping 105's all day long on the road just ahead." Remembering that he was a senile ex WWII infantry officer I said, "Thank you sir, I will be careful." Then, "Boy that goat you have with you is miscegenated" he said, referring to my dog I assume. I could not resist " Yes sir, I know he is, but so is your great granddaughter." He just smiled and nodded then said "We captured us a command Tiger this morning. Did you know those Huns keep beer in the tank with them?" I just said "yes sir" and leaving him with his remembrances, continued on my way.
A few days later we had some rather interesting visitors at the house. We have a neighbor, who is a rather large Black woman with the name of, get this, Aquanetta Jackson. I have never heard of a name quite like Aquanetta and often wondered how it is she came to be called such. She one day, in her normal semi drunken state, told me that her mother loved to use a product called Aqua Net and decided that Aquanetta would be "a pretty name for a pretty girl." She also said that it was not an uncommon name. I thought that was pretty funny and no more stupid than people saddling their children with Travis, Justin, Cletus, and other assorted redneck racecar names. I have often thought that Jeff Foxworthy should include that with his "you might be a redneck" jokes. Something like, "You might be a redneck if you name your kid Travis?" Well, you get the picture. Anyway, we also had visiting us that day a local college professor named Troy who has a habit of partaking in the grape a bit too much, especially on Sunday afternoons. There were also assorted other neighbors with their children running around, playing in the back yard plastic pool, and generally being a pain in the ass. It was a nice day, not a cloud in the sky, steaks on the grill, kids playing, and the beer and ice tea tasted especially good. Then it happened. Our little dog walked into the living room and Aquanetta let out a scream "That dog is miscegenated, Good Lord he's miscegenated." She was so upset that it startled the rest of us into silence. Our little dog just looked at her with his big brown eyes, turned his head to the side slightly as he often does, and charged. He ran at top speed, jumped, then latched himself onto Aquanetta's leg with a full fledged Peter North cock grip. He was pumping for all he was worth and Aquanetta's big ass was spinning like a top on one leg with our little dog just humping away. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and I was afraid that she would spin right into a wall and crash right through. My wife ran to Aquanetta's assistance and was kicked by her flailing leg and fell across the couch. I just sat there stunned. The children and other adults that weren't outside watched just as stunned as I was just waiting to see what would happen next. Finally centrifugal force slung the dog off and Aquanetta collapsed on the floor with a very large thud. She was braying like some sort of barnyard animal moaning "Sweet Jesus" over and over. Then Troy said it. "Madam, that dog might be miscegenated but he certainly is not miscogynated" Aquanetta, finally getting her wits somewhat about her, screamed, "Shut your mouth you evil little white devil or I wont be letting you past my porch evah again." This confirmed what I had somewhat suspicioned for quite some time. Well if that wasn't enough, one of the children, a boy named James, began to move his pelvis back and forth and informed us that "that dog was lumping on Miss Jackson just like Daddy does on the mail lady." General pandemonium ensued. Thankfully James' mother was at work at the hospital at the time or I am sure the police would have been called. Of course, she found out later that night what had transpired and it became a cause for some rather public marital discord. I was grateful that people began to drift home after that. We did have to have a discussion with our daughter concerning the "lumping" that our dog was doing on Aquanetta's leg, but all considered, that was a pretty small consequence of the days' proceedings. Gunplay can be the outcome of such events.
We love our little dog and he often gets involved in funny little episodes. I can't help but wonder, with a sense of anticipation and a little bit of dread ,when he will instigate another insane event.
.
bartendercabbie.blogspot.com
Yesterday I introduced my little dog and wrote about his unfortunate altercation with a bicyclist. As Double OO Spool ( the late Jack Nance) said in the David Lynch Film "Wild at Heart:" "Mentally you picture my dog , but I have not told you the type of dog it is that I have. Perhaps you even picture Toto from the "Wizard of Oz." I really can't tell you what type of dog he is. He has also requested that I withhold his name to, as he put it, "protect the guilty." I will tell you that it is always and adventure hanging out with him. He is very funny, smart and pretty darn good looking in an odd sort of way. I guess one could probably describe him as a cross between Pomeranian, Chihuahua and Rat Terrier. He has expressive brown eyes and a little curl for a tail. He loves the cats that he was originally introduced to, but is terrified of kittens. He has no problem chasing people out of the yard, even though it would be very easy to drop kick him 50 yards. A "Doberman attitude with a Chihuahua body" is how a meat salesman described him one afternoon.
He came into our life a couple of years ago. We drove into the yard after a long weekend mini vacation and there he was. He was just sitting there like he was waiting for us. My daughter asked me if she could keep him, and for whatever reason, I said yes. My wife thought I was out of my mind as we already had a handful of cats, not to mention a rodent in a cage living in our home. We really should charge admission to come into our house. At any rate, I said yes, and the dog became ours. I didn't think he would last long however as he had a propensity to take off running across the street. A street on which the local rednecks love to drive 60 mph. The little dog just did not seem to have any fear of traffic whatsoever. I got really tired of chasing his ass around to bring him back to the house and so I finally bought a leash. He had only been with us for a short while when I began to notice that weird episodes were associated with his presence.
The second or third time I took him for his walk an odd episode occurred. I was perhaps two or three blocks from the house when an old man yelled "Careful Corporal, the Germans have some artillery observers somewhere around here. They have been dropping 105's all day long on the road just ahead." Remembering that he was a senile ex WWII infantry officer I said, "Thank you sir, I will be careful." Then, "Boy that goat you have with you is miscegenated" he said, referring to my dog I assume. I could not resist " Yes sir, I know he is, but so is your great granddaughter." He just smiled and nodded then said "We captured us a command Tiger this morning. Did you know those Huns keep beer in the tank with them?" I just said "yes sir" and leaving him with his remembrances, continued on my way.
A few days later we had some rather interesting visitors at the house. We have a neighbor, who is a rather large Black woman with the name of, get this, Aquanetta Jackson. I have never heard of a name quite like Aquanetta and often wondered how it is she came to be called such. She one day, in her normal semi drunken state, told me that her mother loved to use a product called Aqua Net and decided that Aquanetta would be "a pretty name for a pretty girl." She also said that it was not an uncommon name. I thought that was pretty funny and no more stupid than people saddling their children with Travis, Justin, Cletus, and other assorted redneck racecar names. I have often thought that Jeff Foxworthy should include that with his "you might be a redneck" jokes. Something like, "You might be a redneck if you name your kid Travis?" Well, you get the picture. Anyway, we also had visiting us that day a local college professor named Troy who has a habit of partaking in the grape a bit too much, especially on Sunday afternoons. There were also assorted other neighbors with their children running around, playing in the back yard plastic pool, and generally being a pain in the ass. It was a nice day, not a cloud in the sky, steaks on the grill, kids playing, and the beer and ice tea tasted especially good. Then it happened. Our little dog walked into the living room and Aquanetta let out a scream "That dog is miscegenated, Good Lord he's miscegenated." She was so upset that it startled the rest of us into silence. Our little dog just looked at her with his big brown eyes, turned his head to the side slightly as he often does, and charged. He ran at top speed, jumped, then latched himself onto Aquanetta's leg with a full fledged Peter North cock grip. He was pumping for all he was worth and Aquanetta's big ass was spinning like a top on one leg with our little dog just humping away. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and I was afraid that she would spin right into a wall and crash right through. My wife ran to Aquanetta's assistance and was kicked by her flailing leg and fell across the couch. I just sat there stunned. The children and other adults that weren't outside watched just as stunned as I was just waiting to see what would happen next. Finally centrifugal force slung the dog off and Aquanetta collapsed on the floor with a very large thud. She was braying like some sort of barnyard animal moaning "Sweet Jesus" over and over. Then Troy said it. "Madam, that dog might be miscegenated but he certainly is not miscogynated" Aquanetta, finally getting her wits somewhat about her, screamed, "Shut your mouth you evil little white devil or I wont be letting you past my porch evah again." This confirmed what I had somewhat suspicioned for quite some time. Well if that wasn't enough, one of the children, a boy named James, began to move his pelvis back and forth and informed us that "that dog was lumping on Miss Jackson just like Daddy does on the mail lady." General pandemonium ensued. Thankfully James' mother was at work at the hospital at the time or I am sure the police would have been called. Of course, she found out later that night what had transpired and it became a cause for some rather public marital discord. I was grateful that people began to drift home after that. We did have to have a discussion with our daughter concerning the "lumping" that our dog was doing on Aquanetta's leg, but all considered, that was a pretty small consequence of the days' proceedings. Gunplay can be the outcome of such events.
We love our little dog and he often gets involved in funny little episodes. I can't help but wonder, with a sense of anticipation and a little bit of dread ,when he will instigate another insane event.
.
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